Have you ever felt bothered by something that you thought was nothing significant enough to address at the time? As time passed as you moved on, every once in a while, that bothersome feeling came back to disrupt your current disposition. This is something that I've experienced more times than I'd like to admit. At the moment, I didn't think much of it - I was even able to brush it off because other matters were more important. Once those issues had settled and time had passed, my thoughts somehow, unexpectedly, relived the experience. It's not easy, especially losing sleep over something that had occurred in the past and cannot be changed. I would then begin to imagine that things would have been better if I had taken different actions when the event had originally taken place. With this acknowledgment, I've delved into why it happened so that I could understand why I felt what I felt when it happened. Was it my ego? Was it my misunderstanding? Or was it that the other person's actions or words didn't align with their character? Although I don't always have the answers, I know that the little things we think, do and say, could tell us so much about ourselves.
After taking the much-needed time to reflect and evaluate, I realized that I had neglected many relationships in my past. My priorities were more result-driven, career-oriented, and overachieving than anything. And although I wasn't competing with others, I was in constant competition with my-yesterday-self. It's intense and exhausting to live every day, year after year, trying to outdo yourself and focusing only on the results instead of the journey itself. That was me, and I admit that I was very driven by it too. It was my fuel... I have done presentations and had meetings with executives, celebrities, and influential figures countless times. After 20 years of working on numerous projects and products, I can say that I am a diversified and seasoned designer. But my need to overachieve had caused me to lack the understanding of many of my relationship dynamics.
With that being said, I believe that everything that happens to us is caused by us. It's incredible that we all ultimately create the magnitude of any event that we experience. If you are to start this journey, my suggestion would be to look around yourself first. The people you associate with; conduct business with; the types of conflicts you are experiencing; your dynamics with your loved ones... Evaluate them truthfully, and understand that some pills are more challenging to swallow than others. Hence, take the time to know yourself. It's magnificent to realize your flaws and your strengths while having the ability to articulate them. Knowledge and understanding are forms of power that ignite one to act, so let's start there!! I hope you find your greater self and enjoy the journey to get there. Additionally, remember to be patient with it.
I have been doing my best to better myself, knowing that I have to do the homework and pass the prerequisites to fulfill my purpose. And this time, it doesn't feel intense or exhausting, but wondrous with curiosity for what's to come.