the power to influence or direct people's behavior or the course of events.
Determine the behavior or supervise the running of.
BY: Dan Bejar
We've heard the word 'control' often in many ways, and usually, when someone is in control of their emotions or able to control situations, we look at that person positively. However, when someone tries to control another individual, we know how that story goes, never a happy ending.
As an emotional being, I always want to be calm and collected instead of being fiery or, politely put, 'passionate.' So I took it upon myself on this journey to understand better.
In my view, attempting to control others comes from attachment and expectations. It is already challenging to detach ourselves from people, beliefs, and matters close to our hearts. Therefore, we put much effort into others to sustain the relationships we established in one way or another while somewhat automatically setting correlated expectations as much as the effort we've put in.
Genuine caring and love are letting your loved ones be as free as they can be without chaining them to our expectations. Also, we supposedly self-love should not have such calculated expectations.
I challenge you to practice having zero expectations from people to see how difficult that is because it has become an autopilot as much as the attachments. However, once you realize yourself having any expectations, that is significant progress already.
Automated expectations; how often, when you do something for someone, it makes you feel good, but you automatically think that they will treat you back the way you have treated them? And when they don't, how does it make you feel? And what do you do next time? We overlook countless micro-emotional and mental automation without realizing our automated domestications control us.
Additionally, we must acknowledge that most of us do not have as much control over ourselves as we think.
"The only thing you can control is yourself."
Let's be honest; how do you evaluate that you are in control of yourself? Often we justify situations, and the thoughts go through a matter of seconds, little emotional triggers, dislikes, likes, comments, and reactions that, without much consideration, we act, react, and speak on it. And today, we are losing the self-restraint battles with social media and smartphone combinations.
It took a lot of self-character evaluations to establish such an understanding, and I am still learning. Meanwhile, I aim to shift a discomforting, dissatisfying, negative space to a better room. So I practiced the '5-Min Rule.' Whenever I am in any negative state (mentally, spiritually, and emotionally), I practice any of these; I am sure there are many suggestions out there, but I found these are easy to start.
I hope this is helpful to you as much as to me:
5-Min Deep Breathing Exercise or 5-Min Stretching:
Don't underestimate the power of breathing exercises and even just 5 min stretching. The more you do it, the understanding of the importance deepens.
5-Min Walk or 5-Min Organze:
I think of any reason to take a walk outside, whether to check mailboxes, need to take out the trash, or need run errands, whatever it is.
I even walked around my small apartments; you know, those days you didn't want to go outside? So I walked to my kitchen, took a few steps, looked around, opened the cabinet doors, fixed the cup placements, and threw out whatever I knew was expired. Then I walked to my couch in the living room, took another few steps, and fixed the cushions and the table. I walked into the bathroom, again, just a few steps, and set the towels and placements of items.
I do the '5-Min Rule' often throughout the day, and sometimes I even take the '3-Min Rule.' This '5-Min Rule' didn't solve the problems that put me in a negative state. It gives me a break from that state and a better mental state to tackle the situation better. Also, with a few minutes here and there, your surroundings are much more organized, like the power of little things. Small steps you take daily to practice self-control and build self-discipline significantly impact your life more than you realize.
Let's start to learn the control little things at a time.